I think my fart just growled at me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
