am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
