i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
