like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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