oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
