I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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