Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
