...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
