people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
