I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
