He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
