I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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