omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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