I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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