i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
