nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize