my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
