You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
