I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My vagina just clenched in fear
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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