I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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