i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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