8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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