awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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