i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
