just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
