I think I died a long time ago.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize