Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
