How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
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It's blow job season.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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