That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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