fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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