he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
