There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
