Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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