They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
