don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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