He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
