And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
