Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
being pregnant is like rehab
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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