after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
