just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
