Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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