I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
