It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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