Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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