He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
