you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
