How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
