Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
