is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
