Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
