just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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