he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
These tits shall not be calmed
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