You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
