She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As shirtless as possible
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
