i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
