do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
