I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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