drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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