There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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