Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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