sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
