I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
