This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
