in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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