I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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