Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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