I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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