And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
