You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
