i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
