So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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