stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
