I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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