i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
